Do not be afraid

How would you feel if you knew that you are causing trouble in a whole congreagation, and that everything is upside down because of you? Hm... This makes it hard. It is a lot of sin behind the surface. Things are not as they appear. There is hipocrisy. There is hatred and not love. There is jealousy and pride. There is unfaithfulness. It is hard to imagine that all these sins can occur in one person. God does not ask you what is the frame of the story, He makes you responsible for your own sins. I am afraid of God, sometimes I am afraid that He is wicked and revengful. I am afraid that He does not have enought patience with me. I am afraid that He will blame me for my confessed sins. I am afraid that He is inscrutable and that He gets pissed off. When I am afraid of Him I cannot confess my sins. Lord, have mercy and have patience, and help me to gain over the years more and more understanding of who you are. Help me to use the experiences that I went through to change my image of you. Lord we need time to get the wrong things set right. The enemy is always ready to distroy what Jesus did for us on the cross. He wants to distroy the power of the resurrected Christ. Lord have mercy and show your grace again. Forgive my sins. God I know you are working in my life until I live on this earth. I know that you are cleansing me of my fear. You make yourself known as a loving, giving, forgiving father. Why are you silly? Haven't you seen enough of God's mercy and love?